The other G8

I spent the last several days at PricewaterhouseCooper’s Intern Development Program at Orlando’s Walt Disney World. I had a great time and I may write about it in another posting, but right now I’d like to share my experience flying home to Columbus.

All the interns were assigned specific busses to the airport based on the time of their flight home. I was scheduled on a 5:30 flight, so I was in the last group of people to leave. Our bus left the resort at 2:30 en route for the Orlando airport. We arrived with plenty of time to spare and breezed right through security. I was traveling with Tanya, a friend of mine who attended OSU and will be starting with PwC in New York in a couple of weeks. We found our gate and sat down. We each took out our laptops and we checked for a wireless signal. We could detect one, but it was faint and fleeting, so we left to find a stronger signal. I mentioned that Tanya is starting full-time in New York in a couple of weeks. She has a job, but she doesn’t currently have a place to live. It was imperative that we found a WiFi hotspot so that she could get online and look for apartment listings. As soon as our flight touches down in Columbus, she’s going to get in her car and drive to New York to look for a place to live. She has about 24 hours to find an apartment and drive back to Columbus. (She told me what she had to get back for, but I really don’t remember) If you don’t know how much fun it is to look for an apartment in New York, scroll down the page a little.

We found a hotspot nearby and I checked my email and browsed the web as she looked at craigslist and the village voice. Pretty soon we found ourselves getting hungry, so we went to an airport deli and got a couple of sandwiches. As we were finishing up, we checked our time. Our flight was at 5:30 and it was currently 5:00, which was the scheduled time for boarding. I told her to go ahead and finish her drink because she wouldn’t be able to bring it on the plane and we left to get on board at about 5:15. We were no more than 100 yards from our gate, so we weren’t too concerned about the time. When we got to the gate, it no longer said Columbus, Ohio. As a matter of fact, it didn’t say anything at all. The sign board was blank. That’s never something that you want to see. I went up to one of the other gates and inquired about our flight. Gate change. “Oh crap,” we said as we took off sprinting towards our new gate.

We arrived at the new gate of departure a few minutes later and recognized some other Ohio-based interns waiting in line. As we approached, we heard them discussing an “inoperable cargo bay.” I asked them what was going on and they explained that the smoke detector in the cargo bay wasn’t working, so they couldn’t take on any checked bags, but anyone with just carry-on bags could still fly. We stood in line together discussing how much we didn’t like Delta as we waited our turn to talk to the people at the gate. After a few minutes, the Columbus PwC recruiter came to talk to us. She had just spoken with the Delta people and gave us the full report: “The cargo bay is indeed off limits without the smoke detector. Carry-on bags are allowed, but we’re flying on a very small plane, so nothing larger than a backpack or briefcase can go on board. As an apology, we’re all going to get a $7 meal voucher and a $25 discount to use towards our next Delta flight. They’re going to rebook us all on a later flight.” We were all very pleased to find out that we would be getting $32 out of all this. It more than made up for the hassle… (yes, that was sarcasm)

For some reason, they decided to tell us that the plane would still be taking off even if no one was on board. They said that it had to get to its destination, so it would be departing regardless. That was just what we wanted to hear at that point in time. Passengers were trying to reason with the Delta people, but they were getting shut down left and right. People asked why they couldn’t just fly home now and send their bags on another flight. Delta told us that it was against FAA regulations to send the bags on a different flight from the passengers they belong to. Other people tried yelling at the Delta employees, but that didn’t do much good either. Everyone was pretty much out of luck at the point. They weren’t letting people on this flight and they weren’t making any promises to get people on the next flight either. They were going to work people onto later flights as they found available seats. It was a bad situation and the likelihood that everyone’s bags would be lost was great.

A few minutes later, a Delta representative called out to the crowd: “Is anyone traveling with just carry-on bags? Does anyone not have checked baggage?” Silence... “No one? Everyone out there has checked bags?” I spoke up and told him that I didn’t have checked bags, but I had a larger carry-on. He told me that it wouldn’t fit under the seat, so I couldn’t get on the plane.

“So if my bag were smaller, you’re telling me that you would fly me…just me, to Columbus?”

“Yes sir”

“So no one else would be on the plane?”

“That’s correct.”

“Ok, then can I just buckle it in the seat next to me?”

“Sorry, that’s against regulations.”

“Can I lock it in the bathroom? I promise I won’t have to pee for the entire flight.”

“Sorry, regulations.”

“Can I unpack everything and stick a little bit under each seat?”

“That would be fine, but you can’t fit your bag on the plane.”

“I can make it fit. I’ll jump on it and fold it up and force it under the seat.”

“I’m sorry sir, that won’t work.”

“Ok, how about this? What if you give me a garbage bag and I just stuff everything in that? That’ll smash down nicely. I’ll send my bag on a later flight or throw it away. It was a Wal*Mart suitcase – it cost about $25. I’m not worried about it; I just want to get home.”

“Sure, that’ll work. Let me get you a garbage bag.”

Ok, so let’s review here. They just told me that they would fly me on my own private Delta flight from Orlando to Columbus, but only on the condition that I transfer my clothes to a garbage bag. It made no sense at all, but I really wanted my own private flight and I thought it would make for some comedy for the rest of the weary passengers. I was right about that last part. Everyone else was loving the conversation I was having with Delta. You have to remember that I’m at the back of the line, the Delta guy is at the front of the line, and we’re having this conversation across everyone else. Tanya offered to take my empty suitcase on the later flight and one of the other interns asked if he could take my picture while I loaded up my garbage bag. Everyone else just laughed and discussed how stupid Delta was.

The Delta guy walked over and handed me a garbage bag and told me to pack everything up because if I wanted to get on the plane, we would be departing immediately. I put all my stuff down and got ready to make the switch. At this point everyone is laughing at the ridiculousness of it all, but that was an improvement over all the anger that had been flying around moments earlier. I opened my suitcase and the first thing I removed was the PwC backpack that I had received at IDP. Sherrie, the Columbus recruiter, suggested that I just pack my things into the backpack rather than the garbage bag. That was a much better idea, so that’s what I did. I packed every last item from my suitcase into the backpack until the backpack was just as large as the suitcase. Sherrie pointed out this fact and told me that I would have to take some stuff out in order to make it fit. I agreed, but opted to ask Mr. Delta. None of this made any sense anyway, so I might as well try my luck. I held up the backpack, asking, “Is this ok?” “That’s fine.” he told me “Get on the plane.” So with that, I handed my empty carry-on to Tanya, waved goodbye to my fellow Columbus-ites (Columbonians?) and got on the plane.

I wasn’t alone, however. Sitting on the plane were two pilots. This was most likely the reason that they were going to fly a defective and “empty” plane to Columbus even if none of the passengers were on board. It didn’t stop there either. Two other interns and a PwC manager walked on behind me. I’m not sure how they managed to pull that one off and I’m not sure what happened to their luggage, but somehow they made it on the plane. And rounding out the group were two other people, but I don’t know their back story because I had no interaction with them. Your guess is as good as mine as to how they managed to fight their way on. I managed to stuff my oversized backpack into the overhead compartment and looked for a seat. The flight attendant told me not to worry about what seat my ticket said and asked me to sit in the back. I asked one of the pilots what the deal was and she told me that they had to distribute the weight throughout the plane. Since it wasn’t full, they had to make sure we didn’t throw off the balance of the plane. Let me tell you how fun it was to hear that little nugget of information.

I sat in the second to last row, diagonally behind the pilot I had just spoken to. As I glanced around from my seat, I noticed her suitcase was stuffed behind the last seat, between the seat and the bathroom wall. The other pilot’s bag was in the same place on the other side of the plane. Ah…must be on of those FAA regulations…

It was a great flight. It was the most informal flight I’ve ever been on. The flight attendant walked down the aisle handing everyone a bottle of water before we took off. That’s how they do beverage service for eight people. It was also interesting to listen to the two pilots talk to each other. I’ve never heard pilot gossip before, so I enjoyed eavesdropping. They were complaining about their “lines.” If anyone knows what that means, I’d appreciate it if you’d enlighten me. Another thing I found interesting: The second we took off – the exact split second we left the ground – the pilot sitting in front of me grabbed her laptop and turned it on. So much for that regulation as well, I guess. She spent the flight watching “Walk the Line” on DVD in case you were wondering.

The snack service was kind of fun too. The flight attendant walked up with a basket of crackers, cookies, and peanuts and asked if I’d like anything. I took a package of those delicious airline biscuit cookies and she told me to take as many as I’d like… there were only eight of us after all.

I wrote all of the above while I was still on the plane. After we got off the plane, I caught up with the other PwC people and asked them how they got on the flight. They told me that they couldn’t fit 5 people on later flights, so they were forced to put them on this flight and send their bags on a later one. They didn’t let people choose who got to go early and apparently that whole regulation about keeping people with their bags was a bunch of hooey.