Remembering games and daisy chains and laughs. Got to keep the loonies on the path.

If you take a look at Evan's blog, you'll see pictures from his enjoyable visit to New York. What you don't see is what went into getting him a place to stay. The weekend before I left for PA/DE, I told Madeline that Evan and Lindsay would be staying with me for the weekend. She was surprisingly agreeable and simply told me that we would need to figure out a bathroom schedule. Then, the morning that I was leaving, I found Madeline waiting for me by the door. It was about ten to six in the morning, so I knew it wasn't good to see her waiting for me. She immediately started a crazy rant the moment she saw me. She started raving about how my room isn't big enough to hold three people and how the bathroom cannot accomodate four. She was wildly throwing out stories of back pain, painkillers, her parents, our other roommate, and various other crap that really had nothing to do with me. I tried to reason with her, but ran out of time and had to leave to catch my train. She asked if I could call her and I told her that I would be working a lot and didn't know when I could talk. She asked if she could email and I told her that I didn't know when I could answer her, but she could go ahead. What follows is the email conversation that ensued:

Madeline
Me
Comments

Feb 15, 2006 2:02 PM
Ross please call me tonight {number removed}. We have to discuss 3 people in your room. Best regards, madeline

Feb 15, 2006 5:18 PM
I'm working now and I'll probably be here late. I probably won't get home until at least 11. How late are you going to be up?

Feb 15, 2006 5:19 PM
can you call me now

Feb 15, 2006 5:21 PM
No, I'm at work and I can't make personal phone calls. I'm not even supposed to be sending personal email.

That's technically true, but it's a rule that no one follows. I was just so annoyed with her that I didn't want to talk to her.

Feb 15, 2006 5:25 PM

i am on pain killers and I do not know how late I will be up. I want to resolve this matter. I do not feel good at all and I told you 3 people is too many for the room and bathroom.

Regards, Madeline

So here is her first use of what I am going to refer to as the "pain killer defense." This is how it works in her mind. A person can win any argument by simply explaining that he or she is taking pain killers. I'll give you an example: "Ow, why did you punch me in the face?" "Oh, I'm sorry, I'm on pain killers." "Oh, ok, no problem at all." Understand? It's important that we're on the same page because this is her ultimate weapon. You may also know this defense as the mentos defense. (see: the freshmaker)

Feb 15, 2006 5:27 PM
Write out your grievances in an email and I'll address them when I get the chance

This was me foolishly thinking that if she made a list of her complaints, I could address each one and have this issued resolved. Let's see how well that worked out...

Feb 15, 2006 5:32 PM
I was told not asked. I cannot share the bathroom with 3 people and the room is not for 3. Two people would be fine

Of course I didn't ask her permission. She's crazy and there's no way that she would have agreed.

Feb 15, 2006 6:45 PM
I was led to believe that I was renting the bedroom, so that was considered my space. If I were going to have them sleeping on the couch or something, I would have asked you with no question. I'm sorry that you feel the way you do, but I think it's perfectly reasonable for me to use my room in the way that I see fit so long as I'm not damaging it or causing harm. As for the bathroom, we'll stay out of your way. We'll most likely be getting home at night after you've gone to bed, much like I usually do on the weekends. In the morning we can wait to take showers until you're done, or we can be sure to be out before you want to use it. I'll clean the bathroom after they leave. I don't see why it makes a difference if two people were sleeping in there or three. As far as the phyical size of the room, there is plenty of space for three people. I measured the room and I got the dimensions of the air mattress and logistically it works. We're not going to damage the furniture or anything, so I fail to see how this causes a direct problem. If this does not clear up your concerns, reply to this email and I'll get back to you by tomorrow evening if not earlier.

I thought this was a perfectly acceptable response. The whole bit about measuring the room and the mattress is a complete fabrication, but I thought it sounded good. I hope that one doesn't come back to haunt me.

Feb 15, 2006 7:07 PM

I am on medication and do not have set hours I need the bathroom. I am sleeping most of the day and night so how can you work according to my schedule when I do not have one. I have been in agony for a week!

I can barely walk, I do not need the stress of the dogs barking every time they hear the bathroom door open and close. I do not have linens, towels, blankets for your friends and do not feel comfortable with this. The room is mean't for no more then 2 people. As stated I never would have a problem with one person.

You can do what ever you want in your room but that does not mean telling me you are having 2 people stay over. I think you assumed a lot by measuring the room , telling them yes, and then telling me

Regards, Madeline

I'll translate for you: I am on pain killers, therefore I win. I get to ramble about god knows what and you have to accept it because I've invoked the PKD. Not enough for you? Fine, let me elaborate. Since I'm on pain killers and sleep all day and night, you're not allowed to use the bathroom...ever. See, if I wake up and want to use the bathroom, I need immediate access. If you're using it, I'll explode. Point - me. Moving on. I have two dogs. I don't know how to train them though, so they're freaking crazy. This is somehow your fault so I'm going to throw this at you as well. Meant is now a contraction. In case you didn't get my memo, I have the ability to change the English language.

Feb 15, 2006 7:17 PM
They're bringing all of their own linens, so that isn't an issue. As for the dogs and such, I'm sorry, but when you rented the room to me, you took on a roommate. I respect you and your wishes, but I also live my own life. I asked you for ground rules from day one and you never mentioned anything about overnight visitors or number of guests. I've upheld everything you've asked of me thusfar. I'm sorry that you're not feeling well and on medication, I really am, but I'm not going to tiptoe around you in my own home. I do everything that I can not to disturb you including making breakfast in the dark and trying to be completely silent at night. This is a one-time visit and I'm not having overnight guests in the future. I think you're being unreasonable and the only real complaint you seem to have is that the room isn't big enough, which is just unfounded. We're roommates and we compromise and work around each other. That's just the way it works. When Jimmy stayed with us for a week, I didn't complain when he was in the bathroom. Instead I respected your guest and I would like the same treatment from you. I'm asking for two days and I don't think that's too much. As it is, I've given you this entire week to yourself. I don't want this to cause tension between us, as I feel like we've gotten along really well up to this point, so I was trying to meet you halfway with working out a schedule for the bathroom. If you're not willing to compromise, I'm not sure how we're going to proceed. If you have any ideas, please share.

At this point my patients are wearing thin. I'm not sure what else I can say.

Feb 15, 2006 7:34 PM

When Jimmy stayed with us for a week

I told you WAY in advance and it was 1 additional person using the bathroom not 2. 2 additional people is crazy!

You have been considerate but I have been as well.

As far as rules

I mentioned you could have A person over occasionally.

I have never had anyone have two additional people in that room nor ask to.

You do not understand that you should have asked, and that when I am in this type of pain I do not need added stress.

madeline

I guess I need to yield to her on this one. If anyone knows about craziness...

Feb 15, 2006 7:44 PM
You told me in advance that Jimmy was staying with us, but you also told me that we were having Christmas dinner together. I understand that it was very generous of you to offer and I didn't feel entitled to it, but you not only invited me and cleared the menu with me, but you told me to invite friends. I invited Stacey to join us only to have the dinner apparently cancelled with no notice whatsover. I never said anything at the time because I was newly staying with you and I didn't want to cause problems, but do you know how embarrassing it is to have to call someone with no notice and tell them that they can't come to Christmas dinner anymore? I'll consider that whole situation a wash at this point in light of the current one.

You never mentioned anything about having A person over. I know that for a fact because I was originally planning on having friends stay over New Year's. It didn't end up happening, but I would definitely have said something at the time if you had mentioned it.

You may have never had anyone have two guests in the past, but that doesn't really apply here. I'm not the people who used to live in the room.

I didn't ask, no. Maybe I should have, but going back to Jimmy, you didn't ask either. You told me that he was staying with us. I didn't complain, nor did I want to. And I feel for you being in pain. I understand, but I have guests coming who can't change their plans at this point. If you are firmly saying no to this whole situation then we have a problem and we're going to have to figure out how to resolve it. If not, let's just get through this one weekend and move on with our lives.

This is me finally not willing to put up with her crap anymore. I've held that Christmas story for the perfect moment and I thought this was that moment. I didn't actually invite Stacey to that meal, but it makes for a great story, doesn't it? Let's see her respond to this one.

Feb 15, 2006 7:50 PM

when do they arrive?

when do they depart?

Will you be the only one with the key?

In other words, they will not be coming in and out with out you?

We are the champions my friend.... The Christmas dinner story trumps the PKD any day.

Feb 15, 2006 7:59 PM
They arrive Friday evening. They'll get into LaGuardia around 9.
They're going to leave Monday morning when I leave for work.
I'll be the only one with the key and they won't be going anywhere without me. We'll all be out of the apartment for most of the weekend and I only expect us to be there in the morning to get ready, and the evening to go to sleep.

I appreciate your understanding. I apologize if I offended you or hurt your feelings by not asking your permission. I assure you that nothing like this will happen again.

Thanks,
Ross

After sending that email, I went home for the night. I felt confident that I had defeated the madness that is my roommate. Oh how very wrong I was. I found this waiting for me in the morning:

Feb 15, 2006 8:05 PM

you told me Thursday they were arriving and staying 2 days.Now it's 3 nights. that was NEVER mentioned till now.

There is a Big problem

Ladies and gentlemen, let me be the first to welcome you to a little place known as square one...

Feb 16, 2006 9:08 AM
As of Thursday, I was under the impression that they were going to be leaving on Sunday, but just learned that their flight out isn't until Monday. Regardless, they're still staying two actual days, which are Saturday and Sunday, as they won't arrive until late Friday night / Saturday morning and they're leaving early Monday morning.

I appreciate your sensitivity to this issue, but you have to understand that they're flying in from Ohio and have nowhere else to stay. I am a tenant and I have the right to have guests stay in my room. I never signed a lease stating that I wouldn't do so and we never verbally agreed to a guest limit either. This is a one-time event and I would appreciate your cooperation this weekend. In the future, if I have anyone come visit, I will instruct them to find elsewhere to stay.

The second paragraph is pretty much verbatim from what my Dad told me to say. I'm sure Madeline will take this well...

Feb 16, 2006 9:25 AM
SORRY YOU TELLING ME WHAT I HAVE TO ACCEPT IS UNACCCEPTABLE

Or not...

Feb 16, 2006 9:27 AM
I tried to reason with you and find some common ground, but I'm not going to send my family members out into the streets. I know my rights as a tenant and as a paralegal, you should too. You can't tell me that I am not allowed to have family stay in my rented room.

At this point I haven't done any work in an hour. All I've been doing is researching New York landlord-tenant laws and discussing my options with my Dad.

Feb 16, 2006 9:33 AM
You are not entitled to have 3 people in that room and a bathroom that is shared

She clearly doesn't care what my rights are. At least she's not sending me multiple emails at this point.

Feb 16, 2006 9:59 AM

yesterdays e-mail

This is a one-time visit and I'm not having overnight guests in the future.

today's e-mail

You can't tell me that I am not allowed to have family stay in my rented room.

Earlier in the week it was 2 days now you tell me late last night THEY changed it and you just found out. Its Thursday till Monday.

.You have No regard for my health so please don't bother saying you do. If you did you would have asked if it was ok due to my health

I told you I wanted to talk to you on Monday about this and I had to contact you last night.

She's now up two emails in this discussion, but I don't know what to do. I obviously can't address her concerns with reason. She's an unreasonable person. At this point I called a family friend who is an attorney in New York and washed my hands of the whole situation.

Feb 16, 2006 10:24 AM
I'm not going to bother addressing your points because you are unwilling to have a rational discussion. You've left me no choice but to escalate this issue. I know my rights and I'm simply trying to have one nice weekend with my family. We can either get through this one weekend and move on or we can stand at an impass.

If you feel that you have legal grounds to bar me from having overnight guests, you can contact my legal representation:

{name removed}

{number removed}

Feb 16, 2006 11:06 AM

...I will be civil to you & your guests but you are not calling all the shots.

I am not calling your attorney nor mine at this point.

I cut out the beginning of her last email because it wasn't really relevant here. The bottom line is that after all that, I had to threaten to get lawyers involved to have visitors. I'm sad that I have to leave New York soon, but I can't be happier that I won't have to deal with this wack job for one day longer.